Lighthouse: poetry by Rhona Gandy

mountains in North Pakistan, image by Faysal Khan, on Pixabay

Love’s Gift

If I try to find love and don’t succeed

what becomes of me?

Is that a verdict

for worthy of love no more?

And, if so, as teeth of my unrequited yearning   

bite into my mind

am I condemned to a desert of hope and love?

Am I undesirable and unworthy                                     

to know love’s return? Am I my own reject

with flaws so deep they mar?                                           

Surely my pumping blood knows this is not true,

Yet I do not understand how to quench the

thirst and hunger of my heart.

Never-ending love awaits me.

As the air around me in its embrace

to feed and cocoon me.                

All I need do is answer.

How can this be so easy

when so much love around me

turns to ash and nails?

How can I, this messy contradiction,            

be worthy to receive the perfect love

when yet its earthly sister has been so

fleeting?

I can hope in love because love seeks me still   

as others, too, seek what could not be found.

And yet unmerited love is ours.

Oh, that all would see and freely love.

Where does this endless love dwell?

With the God of creation

who created all things for His own pleasure.

His love is, was, and will

always be free.

I must tell others, as I’m sure that I am       

not alone on my journey of love.

*

The Grief We Bear            

When caring for my aging mother,

oh, that I could not see her pained eyes,

yet I’m thankful that I am present to hold her hand.

God knew us before we were formed

and He made her my mother.

He provided opportunity for me to be with her,

to be present in her last days.

I am grateful to God, and I am grateful

to my mother for all the years of care

she provided for me.

Before I knew God, she was steady.

Always forgiving and always available,

never leaving me to my own devices.

But now, it is I who care for her.

To hold her hand, to share a memory

before it slips completely into the abyss.

My heart aches to keep her safe and with me

yet doing so will ultimately cause her more pain.

Letting go is difficult, but thankfully God

never leaves my side. He continually

reminds me to breathe. Yet each breath

catches in my throat as my heart breaks.

To die with Jesus is to live anew,

this is my continual consolation.

I have to let go so God can take her home.

And then I have to keep on breathing.

I know I’ll see her again, I know I’ll be alright

But I don’t know how to do this

without feeling like I’ve let her down.

Death is a part of living. A part we all must

share.

We must be prepared, yet we cannot do

this alone. We need our Helper to guide

and direct us to our heavenly home.

The joy of a life where Jesus will be ever

present in our lives, face to face.

I will continue to meet him each day

and lean on him for the rest of my life until

it is my turn to make the journey.

*      

Lighthouse

In my darkest days, Lord,

You are my lighthouse.                  

You lift my head to see You,

You teach me to trust in You.     

You call on others to give me comfort

and encouragement.

You open my eyes to understand

the depths of Your love.                             

You alone do I trust.

You alone can be trusted in all things.       

In all things sounds so obscure,

yet You fill me with discernment.

All I need do is open my eyes.

Glimpses of Your presence are ever reaching

towards me.

Where I have failed, You have overcome.          

When I am weak You hold me up.

What I fear, You have already conquered,

so I need not worry.

You lead me to safety.

I praise Your name for who You are making me.

My eyes overflow with love for You.

I yearn for Your presence.

You alone, Lord, are the light in my darkest mind.

When I fall or can’t lift my head

You are my reason for hope.                                       

I praise You because You alone

are my strength and my encouragement.

You are the reason I can say all is well with my soul.

You rescue me from myself.

My mind was riddled with self-doubt, fear, selfish ambitions,

and sin, the continual battle.

You turn my trials into strength

and perseverance

and multiply my faith in You.

Keep my eyes ever open and searching for Your presence,

that I may reflect Your love to others and be

an encouragement that others in darkness may find You.

 *

Morning

I rise early in the morning to hear her rattle,

the life breath in her is shallow

I cannot go back to sleep after easing her gasping

I want to cry but I can’t,

I cry out to God for strength and courage

Oh, that I could see from above

all the things that God sees,

that God knows and understands

I get a phone call, and my son

is back in the hospital with his heart,

I feel torn to be in two places at once

I do know that God has a handle on all of this

and that I can trust him.

All the same, I want to cry and can’t

I don’t want to give up hope for my son,

I don’t want to lose my mother or to hold her here

when a better life exists for her

Be still, my beating heart,

Lord, hold me close in your embrace,

help me to lean into you and weep,

help me be strong

You are my hope in a world full of darkness,

You are my light, my shield, and my love.

Lord, let me not become bitter

Keep my life ever searching for Your presence

believing in Your goodness and mercy,

don’t let me fall into the pit of despair

You alone are my hope,

I trust in You with all my heart

to faithfully carry out Your plans for us

for our good

Thank you, Lord, for Your promises

and for Your comfort

I hope for all to surrender to Your loving mercy

  *

Life

We are born

We die

What we do in between is our testimony:

what we live for

who we are

how we love

what we love

whom we love

What do we leave behind?

Possessions, selfishness, anger, hate, rage, jealousy?

Or love, compassion, faith, openness?

We all experience pain

physical pain

emotional pain

loss of loved ones

loss of beloved animal companions

But what matters?

What is all this pain useful for?

Is it ok to be sad?          

Is it ok to cry?

Is that a weakness?

No, no, no,

emotions were given to us

to help us process loss or gain

How we get up and move forward seems impossible,

we are riddled with guilt, regret, remorse

but life goes on.

We must find the reason to keep going.

Some people have no family,

no one to care about their wellbeing.

How fortunate a person is who has loving family

how fortunate a person is who has faith in God

how fortunate a person is who has hope of a future

Look around, breathe, find your reason, and live.

Do something different, travel, visit friends, laugh, cry,

but do something, life goes on.

Rhoda Gandy is 67 years old, the mother of three

adult children now, and she has three grandchildren. 

She writes, "My journey is beautiful. The love God pours out on me daily and the things he is teaching me are

my motivation."

November 2024 issue